He asked me to lay my dreams on the table. I had been thinking a lot about this moment, what I would say. I had meditated on my dreams before I went into our meeting that day and what I heard come through loud and clear, was simple, direct and HUGE… I want to help transform and heal the world with my voice. If I think about it, this has always been my dream since I was a little girl, except instead of just wanting everyone on every continent of the world to know me, I now want them to know themselves through me. I want to help lead them back to their hearts, back to the LovE that they are, that we all are. Layer by unconscious layer, I am peeling back the bullshit and leading my own self back to my own heart and I want to help lead others on that journey. I’m not sure he knew what to do with that. In fact, I’m still navigating how this new chapter of connection, music and voicing my/our truth looks like, so I couldn’t completely blame him for the semi confused, let down of a stare. And so, there I was feeling like I just revealed my deepest desire for my journey here in this lifetime and it still didn’t seem like “enough,” at least that is what my old wounding had me believe. As I sat and listened to him talk about the artists that he works with selling out stadiums, I somehow felt like I wasn’t dreaming big enough. But how can you get any bigger than the dream I just vomited out on the table? I suddenly realized very clearly what I have known for a long while now, MY DREAMS HAVE CHANGED and they don’t look like your typical music industry superstar’s dreams. For some reason though I have been denying this. I have felt like I am selling myself short and not living up to what seems like the American slogan, “dream big, work hard.” What if I want to dream more intimately these days? Everything is always sold to us as “bigger, better, more,” even in the so called “spiritual” world that is now being used to turn manifestation into big business. I completely believe in co-creating with the universe, I’ve done it my whole life, but I have learned, there is a difference in creating from the soul and for the good of all, than from the ego and only the good of “I.” I feel like the way we have been taught to dream has been so far out of balance that balance itself being a dream seems like a mirage, a joke, unfulfilling, lazy… god, I feel like I could go on and on with that one. We are taught that we have to work ourselves to the bone, hustle, struggle, especially as women. Be all the things… wife, LovEr, mother, friend, daughter, entrepreneur, boss, nurturer, fitness model, sex goddess…. the list goes on and I get fucking exhausted just by reading it. This goes for men too, I am completely aware and I feel for you just as much as I do any woman. However, I can speak much more from a woman’s POV.
When we’ve dreamt the impossible dream, strived and hustled, sacrificed so many other parts of our lives for that one dream, shoved pieces of ourselves in the shadow, silenced the totality of our soul’s desires… where does that leave us? I can speak from experience when I say it left me fragmented, void of my deepest truths, heartbroken, angry, attached only to a persona and no longer to my soul. And with that wisdom imbedded in my bones, I am here to suggest that maybe there’s another way. A way of balance, inner connectedness, allowing, softness, more no’s than yes’s, so that the yes’s are a complete HELL YES instead of halfhearted, full presence, so that we may be worked though and our light used in every moment for the good of the whole, less fear, more joy, less grasping, more flow. Does that sound as heavenly to anyone else as it does to me? This is where my dream has come too.
What I’m realizing is it takes a lot of balls and ovaries to define what success looks like FOR YOU and to stick to it when the world wants to throw you off balance. It takes finding people who support you in your vision, who support you in your wholeness and not just support the piece or pieces of you that serve them best. Thank GOD, yep ALL caps there, I have people on my team that LovE and support me in my fullness and I am rounding out that team for myself as we speak. And, I’m defining what success looks like for ME, not for my parents, society, not even what it looked like for “LeAnn Rimes.” I am no longer working for “them” or the system, but I’m defining my success and making “it” all work for me.
My success these days consists of balance, which in some areas I have a long ways to go. It looks like my work being full of meaning, healing and empowerment, for myself and others. It looks like freedom to create when and how I want to create, to feel and be completely myself, even when it goes against societal norms, which is majorly challenging, especially as a woman in my line of business. It looks like not exchanging my truth for someone else’s just to be LovEd. It looks like being driven from my soul instead of the persona I came to believe I had to uphold. It looks like loving the shit out of ALL of me. It looks like more play, more time filled with joy and connection with the humans I LovE. Most of all, it means I no longer abandon ME.
So, I’m here to tell you, dream insanely big, dream intimately, dream truthfully, ALWAYS DREAM, but never let anyone tell you how you should dream and drop the need to compare your dreams to others. That will get you in BIG trouble. LovE where you are in every moment. As Matt Kahn says, “choose to be there.” Make that your dream, the very moment that you’re in. I LovE you and I have deep gratitude for you being here to be a part of my dream.