Are We Just Spitting Air?

How much of life do we live on autopilot? This is a question I began to ponder after an interaction with a Postmates driver the other day. It was your typical “hi, how’s it going? Thank you so much. Hope you have a good day.” conversation, but as I walked away I realized how those words rolled off of my tongue without any thought. It was my script, my normal niceness, my “good girl” role. Yes, of course it’s wonderful to be kind to others, but if we are just going through the motions, reading off a page of our kindness script, one that we’ve been made to memorize since we could utter “please” and “thank you,” is it TRUE kindness? If our words are not connected to our heart, are we just spitting air? I mean, think about it, how many “I LovE you’s” come flying out of our mouth out of sheer habit, void of true connection? It’s so easy to go through the motions of life, checked out, not fully in the moment, but what if we were super intentional with our words and the emotion behind them? What if our mind and our words were always connected to our heart, can you imagine the power? What if that meant revealing not only our loving kindness, but the totality of our emotions? What if we could reveal our anger, our rage, while remaining in  loving presence and connected to our heart? This is a much more in depth conversation and truthfully, an area I am new to exploring, but nevertheless, it’s one I feel that is important to investigate. 

When I am performing, I am mostly, fully connected with my heart, it’s wide open. That being said, I can instantly tell when I fall out of connection and it’s quite painful. When I’m talking to an audience, I can tell when I’m full of shit or not. I can tell a major difference between when I’m being somewhat apathetic or not quite present, maybe even apprehensive about something I am bringing forward into conversation, to when I am completely dropped into my body, my heart, with full intention and passion behind my words, and especially when those words are floating on melodies. There’s not much, if anything that comes out of my mouth, dancing on a melody, that isn’t connected to my heart. I’ve always joked that if I could sing my life, every moment would be glorious and I would be much less misunderstood. Talking seems to be way more difficult and sometimes, painful and disastrous. Anyone? Someone? Anybody feel me on that one? 

Here’s what I propose, before we open our mouth to speak, let’s get in touch with our heart first. All it takes is a moment of pause and awareness. Before entering in to a conversation, pause, take a breath and mentally connect to your heart. Even the recognition that it’s there will flip the heart’s switch and turn it on. Then, as words begin to flow, see if you can stay connected with the FEELING of your heart. Maybe you can soften the front of your body and stay open and present with the person you are speaking to. See if a deeper level of softness is accessible for you. You’d be surprised at how much we tense up when in conversation with another being, even and sometimes ESPECIALLY those we are most intimate with. Even in the face of conflict, is it possible to find the slightest hint of softness and connection to your heart? Can you hold both/and? Play with this. Let it be play and let’s not beat ourselves up when we close down. Closing is a defense mechanism that we learned and kept us safe from a very young age. It has served it’s purpose many a time and something we can show gratitude for, yet it’s time to explore a new way of being, courageous one. There’s no shaming here, only curiosity and LovE. Yes, LOVE! Always, LovE. So, who’s with me? I LovE you all and bow in deep reverence for the courage it takes to write a new story.


  • Love the thought…. You give the kiss of life heavenly touched,. tons of love inside created by You. Amen Sweet soul.

  • Simply a heart touching beautiful writing regarding LovE regards. Truly received deep into my being as I relate so much to what you write. I LovE you so very much. – Jeffron Amos

  • I saw you in Augusta when you were ill but sang your heart out! I saw a video of you saying you fid not have a childhood and you were crying with pain. I hope that by reading these blogs I can become as brave as YOU ARE!!! You are so beautiful and so talented. I have loved your music since day one. I too was robbed of childhood by many things that happened in my life. I am now 53 and still have issues of low self worth, low self love, and not much joy in life. Maybe one day I can tell my story to someone and release the pain and begin true healing. I know I should, I am scared. I sit behind this key board and no one knows me. ……..I have better days but life continues to take me out. Be blessed in your new self.

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