The greatest gift that we could ever give our mother’s, our grandmothers, our ancestral lineage of women is forgiveness. A release from the binds of pain passed down from generation to generation. As women who are awake, who are aware, we have an opportunity to heal, not only ourselves but for the women who came before us. When we stop blaming, we start healing and that’s where we must begin. Blaming only keeps us locked in to bitterness. It withholds us from seeing clearly, from taking honest stock in ourselves and taking responsibility for our lives.
Yes, our parents brought us into this world, they raised us, they tried to set boundaries for us, they clothed us, the taught us right, they taught us wrong, they loved us, they grounded us, they traumatized us, as did theirs and so on down the line. Each generation has only the set of tools the last generation passed down, most of them seriously lacking in emotional intelligence and clear communication, with each birth passing down unresolved shame, guilt, anger, trauma, carrying pain that didn’t belong to them, but they now fully possess.
But today, with this kind of clarity, we no longer need to be the victim of their trauma and they no longer the villain. We can choose to see things differently, to rewrite our story, to shift our perception from blame to acceptance, guilt to kindness, hurt to healed from deep seeded anger and resentment to LovE.
One day, I had this realization, an ahhh haaa moment that some of the pain I was carrying around wasn’t mine. Some of my beliefs didn’t feel authentic to me. Intuitively, I started to put it all together. There was so much pain, shame and guilt I was carrying for my mom, and her for her mother and so on down the line. That awakening allowed me to begin to take an honest look at what was truly mine and what I needed to release.
I’ve only just begun letting go of old thought patterns that do not serve me and didn’t originate from my being, but little by little, as I let go, I heal and become more in touch with my truer self every day.
There’s no hiding from what was birthed into us. No running from the cells that carry the most ancient wisdom and memories of suffering, grief, heartbreak and trauma, not only from our mother’s, but from the female lineage as a collective whole. What we must do is recognize this suffering we all share, begin moving through it, getting to know it, befriending it, that is where healing begins. We must begin to LovE our own selves enough to give ourselves, both personally and collectively this gift of freedom.
I don’t know about you, but loving myself in a way that feeds my spirit, that accepts every little dark corner, every flaw and forgives myself for my most glorious mistakes is incredibly difficult. The undoing of so many misconceptions about myself, my limitations, my incredibly painful stories that have played in a loop and been ingrained in my mind, is a life long journey that I am learning moment by moment to navigate as gracefully as possible. I have come to understand, the more I heal and accept these things about myself, the more LovE and compassion I can show my mother. The more forgiveness I can give my mom and my grandmother. It’s challenging to be soft and gentle with myself. I get so angry for not being able to extend the same kindness toward myself as I do to others, which defeats the purpose. It’s a very painful cycle that effects the way I connect with those closest to me. At least now, I can cycle through it and come back a little gentler on the other side. The saying is true, “what you don’t have, you can’t give away.” When I’m in a space of self flagellation, it’s still difficult for me to extend grace towards my mom and a lot of the other women in my life, but my awareness and moments of pause are helping me shift from anger and annoyance to LovE and empathy more times than not. I take responsibility for my life, for my faults and shortcoming. Some of those my mother passed along, but they are mine now. They are mine to overcome and mine to heal.
My mother, has been the greatest teacher, not only in the moments of LovE and solace, but actually, more in the times when she stumbled and failed. Her wounds, wounded me, but I am now allowing them to be my teachers instead of my tormentors. The bitterness no longer stands between us. Forgiveness has cracked open the protective shell surrounding my heart and through my own healing is helping heal generations of wounded women. We are all meant to be broken in our own ways and meant to break each other, so that our souls can grow and evolve in all the ways they came into this glorious world to do. None of us are mistakes. None of our battle wounds and tragedies are pointless.
My prayer for all women is to begin to see each other in all our shattered glory as the gifts that we are. We may never completely understand each other, agree with how we conduct our lives or possibly even be in the same room, but through acceptance and forgiveness we can experience our oneness as spirit, our interconnectedness as women and from that place, uncover LovE and empathy we never knew ran so deep.
Truth, every word! I’ve been going through the same process the last few years. Yes, that “ah ha” moment is the best. So cleansing to let go of things that were not ours to carry. I feel lucky to have this awareness, as you do, because my mom never got to that point. However, as I grow & share my discoveries, I get to watch her follow suit & start her own healing.
Yes, lead and they will follow in their own way. Some areas they will grow and others not, just like us, but just the shift in your energy will create changes in her.
Remarkable honesty. I don’t think there’s anyone out there reading that cannot relate to your story to some degree. I suffered from an eating disorder for most of my prime years, and for a long time I kept blaming myself, when in actual fact it was me carrying the guilt and burden of those before me. I struggled to express ME, so I took on THEM. No parent wants to burden their child. It was never intentional, but as you’ve said, they made good with whatever tools they had, to the best knowledge they had then. With time, therapy, self-love, assertiveness and MORE self-love, I learnt to forgive, love stronger as i slowly regained myself.
Thank you for allowing me – for the first time – tap into my story through your story. 🙇💖
Thank you for sharing your truth. I am happy that you connected with this piece.
As a person who is still dealing with healing and forgiveness, I can not thank you enough for your words. It’s through courage of others we often find strength. I do believe the Universe brings people and experiences into our world for a reason. Being genuine in this day and age is difficult, I’m sure even more so in your world, I can’t wait to read more. Forever grateful for your openness and spirit. ❤Katrina
Thank you Katrina. Much more to come. xoxo
This is amazing and exactly where I am on my Journey right now. I grew up without parents in my life and was raised by an abusive Grandmother. I am realizing now that she only did what she was capable of or learned from her abusive parents. How can I not forgive her? Oddly enough, this same Grandmother gave me your book, Holiday In Your Heart, and here you are teaching me about forgiveness and releasing years of pain. Coincidence? I don’t believe in them. I’m exactly where I am supposed to be. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Sending you love!
Wow, the universe is amazing that way, isn’t it. It’s beautiful and inspiring to hear that you have found peace and have been able to forgive.
I feel that pain as well. I suffered traumatically from a childhood filled with abuse and with therapy have realized that is why I suffer accepting love and giving love; and I’ve often blamed that on the fact that my mother didn’t remove me from the situation. Fast forward to now, I realize how afraid she must’ve been too. She thought she did the right thing at the time. I’m learning to let go, and learning to love again. I may be a bit broken but I’m not unfixable :).
You are not unfixable .. just a little broken ❤ I love it keep going !
NO, YOU ARE NOT UNFIXABLE MY FRIEND! Yes, that’s me being very stern LOL. In fact, there’s nothing that needs “fixing.” You just need some healing. YOU ARE PERFECTION JUST AS YOU ARE! There I go again 🙂 Sending you the biggest hug.
I’ve always openly prided myself as “self-counseling” my way through painful life experiences, which began as a very young child. My mother suffered from paranoid schizophrenia for as long as I can remember and it was agony to live through. I just wanted to make her happy but her depression wasn’t something I could fix. I continue to live my life focusing on making others feel good about themselves which in turn has masked my deep pain which you have now made me so strongly aware. Thank you, Leann! #lovenothingbutLOVE
I can totally relate to taking care of others was a way to mask your pain. I’m happy this has helped you acknowledge that and hope you now can find a way to begin to move through that pain. Sending you LovE.
So good! Thank you for sharing.
Generational Healing. I’ve never heard that phrase. But, it makes perfect sense. Thank you so much for sharing that concept with us. Admire your honesty and journey to be the best person, you can be.
Beautiful picture of you and your mama!
Thank Lisa xoxo
Thank you. For things I can’t even express.
Forgiveness and choosing to see them as other than the villain has been wonderful and important in my life.
GIRL. ❤ goodness.
Happy to hear you have found some healing around this subject. Sending you LovE.
Wow… this truly touched me. Made me cry. I feel this way with my mother. I have also ruined relationships due to constantly doubting myself, not loving, valuing or appreciating myself. It’s so true, how can you give so much, but not have anything left for yourself. You have to learn to love yourself, forgive yourself, find out who you really are and what your beliefs are. There’s a quote I love, “Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that really isn’t you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.” I truly believe this. We are taught everything at a young age and as we start to figure who we really are as young adults we have to start shedding the layers of the person our parents formed us to be as to find our true selves. Love this blog. Life is a journey of constant discovery, love, forgiveness, healing and growth. Pain helps fuel our journey, without pain we’d never know healing. XX
Love, love, love this Le!!! Thank you for your sweet vulnerability. Thank you for the honesty in your story. Thank you for opening your soul to your truth and for sharing all of it’s beauty~~here~~with us. God is doing His work in and through you Le. I am in Awe of Him right now at this very moment: My prayers here on the exact same journey~~being answered by Him~through You~~tonight, Mothers Day weekend, being seen with my eyes, held in my hand. Remarkable. Miraculous. Simply in Awe. So much more I could ramble on about all of this, but YOU are the SOULSHINE Le, and I am so proud of you for where you are in life, on every single level! And for the amazing, inspiring woman you are becoming. Blessings in abundance to you beautiful girl!!! The world was a better place when you sang as a child~~~~ but nothing compares to the gifts that this platform is about to reveal!!! Love you sweet Le ❤️🙏🏼
You are so sweet Lori. Isn’t is incredible when we have those moments that just click and we realize how wonderful God/The Universe is and how they are working in eery aspect of our lives? I’m so happy this touched you so deeply. xoxo
I barely feel like I have a right to comment, but I’d like to. I have been raised in the healthiest and happiest of environments by parents that have shown me unconditional love and taught me to believe strongly in myself. I haven’t lived through any sort of trauma in my family or had to heal from something that hurt me in my childhood. I can only imagine what forgiveness on that level feels like. But, in any case, I think it’s important to let you know that I still gain such valuable insight from the way you live your life. The bravery you have shown and continue to, and the forgiveness as well. I’m fortunate to have not felt pain on this level, but I can definitely empathize and I gain valuable life lessons from your quotes, your music and your stories. ❤️❤️
Thank you Jean and I am so thankful that you had an amazing childhood. I have a few friends like you and I joke to my friends that they are weird. LOL It’s a blessing!!! Thank you for being understanding though and sensitive to those of us who have had a different experience.
“Mother” is a song that has truly touched me. My mom and I had the rockiest relationship. She battled several health and mental health issues, that before I felt she should put aside for myself and my siblings. My mom spend a large majority of time in her room away from us. When she was around us, it seemed like a fight. I left home when I was 16 to fend for myself. I tried really hard to make a mends with my mom several times.
A few years ago, my sister and I decided to commit my mother, as she was acting out and not taking care of herself appropriately. She was a danger to herself. This was so hard. No one wants to be in this situation. My mother disowned both my sister and I for almost a year. BUT, she was placed in an independent living program where she was starting to learn to care for her self and make some friends. This was a huge change.
In April 2016, I took my kids over to see mom and try to start mending our relationship. It was a hard first step, because I knew she was still really mad at me. But she let me and the kids in and this began part of the healing process.
I was Married May 28 2016 and my mom came to the wedding. She had a blast! I was so happy that she agreed to come, as it mention the world to me. This was the last day I saw my mother.
Three weeks later, and two days after my birthday, I got a call from a police officer. My mother was found in her apartment deceased. I have been heartbroken since that day.
I have so many regrets. I still feel we did the right thing with committing her to get help, but there’s been the “why” in my head since that day of the phone call. Why didn’t I call her that weekend. Why did they I go visit her more often. Why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut to prevent arguments between us.
This mother’s day is the first without her. And will be truly difficult to get through. Even though our relationship was rough, I miss it. I miss her.
Wow!! This is amazing. So true and a message that all our girls need to hear. I have been on a very similar journey of healing and your words resonate with me. I read a quote the other day and here is the paraphrased version, if we could forgive as fiercely as we love the world would be a different place. LeAnn, you are a huge blessing to our generation. Keep it up, Sister!
I really love this. I’ve read about it before and I think it would be great if you could list some of your sources so that others could read some great books and learn. I also love the maturity that you are reaching and the connections that you’re discovering.
I think your next step as a woman figure and step parent would be healing wounds with the mother of your step children. You entered her life and are now connected through love. Your husband is also connected to her through love. You are essentially family forever because of the children. You should encourage a loving respectful relationship between the parents as well as yourself. Consider counseling sessions between you and the mother coming together so that hurt will not be passed on the the children who will feel the hurt their mother feels. It’s great that you realize this now as a woman.
So touching and soul moving. This is what I’ve been searching for for so long. It’s inspired me to go on my own journey. Wow.
Thank you for this, it came at the right time for me as I was contemplating this for Mother’s Day. I know I have taken on a lot of my mom’s shame, guilt and feelings of unworthiness. Today I had a bought of rage and anger, asking myself (and my poor boyfriend lol) why I cannot break through this unworthiness I so often feel. I feel so alone in this journey sometimes, that no one seems to understand what I am going through. Reading this reminds me I am not healing these open wounds alone, learning the at (most) times difficult but oh so worth it lessons. Thank you so much for this ❤️❤️
This is amazingly raw and honest! I feel these things with my own mother. There is a lot of hurt, feelings of abandonment, and sadness between us. It started when she up and left my siblings and me to start a new life in a different state with a new husband. We were 17, 12, and 7…not yet ready to let go of our mother. I thought I had forgiven her, but once I had a child of my own and creeped toward 30 I couldn’t understand why she did what she did. So I stopped talking to her to shield myself from the pain. We didn’t speak for over 2 years…then I listened to “Mother” and I had an epiphany. So we recently, I mean within the last 2 weeks, started speaking again. I want to rebuild our relationship minus all the hurt. It’s not easy to let all that go, but we’re trying and that’s all we can do. Thank you for being honest about something I think ALL women struggle with, even if you have a wonderful relationship with your mother. Being a woman isn’t easy and we’re our own toughest critics, but I think we need to learn to love and forgive ourselves a little more.
Someone once told me that if there weren’t any broken pieces, the light wouldn’t have any cracks to shine through. For some reason, that’s always stuck with me. This world is broken and fallen, and it does cause a lot of pain. A lot of pain. But God is the ultimate Healer. I’ve been so impatient with Him. I feel like my mother is still opening old wounds in me and making new ones every day, but these last few years, I’ve slowly started to realize that…I can’t heal myself. God has to do it. I get so angry at my parents sometimes. I don’t want to forgive them and then I know I should and later I do want to. But it doesn’t change the damage that’s there. Healing is a slow process. I’m still healing. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be completely healed. But, I try to have faith that one day I won’t feel the pain anymore.
My father passed away about two years ago. I was never really close with him even though he was in the same home. He had many, many issues that stemmed from his upbringing. My mother’s upbringing wasn’t so marvelous either. It’s so true how things kind of get passed on to your children, your children’s children, etc. as long as you allow it. I watched the doctors and nurses trying to revive my father over and over again. I was the only one there with him and keeping my sibilings and mom up-to-date on what was going on. I never thought I would be the one to have to make the call to let him go. I felt guilty. I saw him the day before and we didn’t even say hello to each other as we were sitting in the same exact room together. After he passed, I went and sat beside him and cried. I made peace with him as best as I could and said by goodbyes. There’s part of me that will always regret not letting go of the past mistakes that were made. Most of those mistakes and bad times were not even mine to hold onto. It was how my mother was treated and affected by his mistakes that kept me bitter towards him. Never really thought about it until now.
“letting go of old thought patterns that do not serve me and didn’t originate from me”- is so spot on… just beginning to learn its ok to accept hers but also have my own thoughts and opinions is like a door into a whole new world, i relate to this so much!
I’m with you my friend. It really does open up a whole new world for you and your heart to her.
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