Deborah Hanekamp (mama medicine) is an Initiated Amazonian Shaman, Reiki Master and Yogini with a practice that spans 17 years. She’s a mama, a wife and an all around Goddess. I stumbled upon her powerful work on instagram a few months back and instantly was drawn in by her magic and soul-full spirit that radiates off the screen. I noticed that she performed medicine readings for couples and became curious as to her thoughts on intimacy and what her findings have been through her many years of working with partners. I am so honored that she agreed to take on a few SOE questions and give us a bit of powerful insight. What better month to discuss intimacy than the month of LovE.
What qualities sit at the core of true intimacy?
To me, true intimacy comes from our ability to look at, and be receptive toward our partner as our mirror. When we are frustrated with them it could be because we are frustrated with an aspect of our shadow that they are mirroring to us, either by being the direct opposite or exactly like us. Maybe, through looking at our partner as our mirror we are able to get closer to them and understand them more.
What are the most common, reoccurring themes you find that interfere with deep intimacy?
A big one, which I view as a spiritual illness in our modern day society: An inability to be happy with what one has.
When we can’t see or appreciate what we have we feel ourselves alone in the world and always in a place of scarcity, this plays into every part of our lives especially our relationships where we may be bringing in unrealistic expectations and needs from the start.
How can we cultivate intimacy not only in our romantic relationship, but with ourselves?
I think that the more we can know and love ourselves the more we can open up and love another without loosing ourselves in the relationship. Taking extending time alone and unplugged helps with this tremendously as well as journaling. I think that taking time at the end of the day to unplug and enjoy some tea together can be great for building intimacy in a relationship as long as no one feels forced to do anything, both partners are happy to be there.
Can you explain how our energy effects the energy of our partner and how we can become more aware of the energy we contribute to our relationship?
When we open our hearts to another we are also opening up our energy. If we are going through something on a personal level it’s important to understand that our partners may be sensitive to it even if we aren’t mentioning anything and because we are each other’s mirrors they may already be reacting to how we are feeling about ourselves. That is why communication is so important, it helps us understand what we are feeling from the other.
When our hearts feel heavily guarded or retracted, what do you suggest to do in order for our hearts to open, even just 5-10% more?
I think that being around pure unconditional love helps us to open our hearts when we are being guarded and the best dose of that pure unconditional love comes from (in my opinion haha) dogs. The more time we spend with these teachers of unconditional love the more we learn how to show up for others and ourselves.
The SOE 5
What are you fully DEVOTED to?
My beautiful little family and my work, Medicine Readings,
What brings you ultimate JOY?
Baby ANYTHING. Plants, animals, humans, crystals even my own new beginnings.
If you could shine a SPOTLIGHT on someone who has either inspired you, helped you heal or that you admire, who would that be?
Today because we are talking about relationships, I’d like to spotlight my husband because he saw me when I couldn’t see myself and continues to be a pillar of positive masculine energy in our family as we all grow up together.
What do you love most about your SOUL CASE? (It can be a part of your body or just something you love about yourself)
I’m grateful for how flexible this body has reminded this mind to be.
When you come down with a case of WANDERLUST, where do you love to travel and explore?
We are a traveling tribe! This year we are hoping to go to Italy, Spain Australia and New Zealand to name a few of the places and connect to the sacred natural energy there.