Transitioning from an ego driven, self centered and indulgent led life to a heart centered, all encompassing, or at least all considered and empathetic walk is a deeply humbling journey. One that ping pongs back and forth between the two, each time finding a more comfortable and surrendered place within the latter, lingering longer in peace and openness, and learning to make friends with the discomfort that accompanies that heart centered passage.
There’s no where in my life that the dance of this deeply profound unraveling has been more present than through the journey of stepmotherhood. A dance I have fumbled my way through. At times, tripping over my own two left feet. For a while, searching for a place to plant those feet that had any resemblance of safety. Trying to grow up enough, heal my own pain and gain my equilibrium to be able to gracefully juggle all that blended family life demands. Getting the f@&! a hold of myself, my emotions, my insecurities in order not to project those onto my LovEr, stepchildren or their mother. It’s taken a lot of soul searching, empathy and compassion, not only towards everyone involved, but first and foremost, myself, and it’s still a journey I surrender deeper into every day.
Stepmotherhood has made me a better human. I now understand how deep compassion and LovE can run when we step out our own way, out of our heads and into our hearts. It’s revealed to me my humanity, my shadow, my places in need of tenderness and integration. I’ve discovered my uniqueness as a woman and learned to own those pieces of me. It’s been a space where the idea of “Oneness” has been most evident, where I see how my energy effects the whole and how negative thought patterns and judgements, when truly released shift everything, even in situations when no one else in our blended unit has yet to find it safe to make those conscious shifts for themselves. All it takes is one person’s shift in consciousness to change the whole and slowly, with patience and consistent kindness, not the fake s@!t, but the kind where you surrender and let the divine flow through you, magic kindness, the real deal, hearts open. I’ve had to learn how to unbar my heart, disarm myself and stand in the ring fully exposed, gloves dropped. I’ve been dancing this complicated, messy, rewarding, beautiful dance for almost 10 years now and although I would have made some different choices if I would have been able to access deeper, wiser and more aware parts of myself, I wouldn’t change a thing. I bow deeply to this journey, to those I am on it with. They are all some of my greatest teachers in this incarnation. Nothing in the life is perfect, especially blended family life, but we are all trying and that’s all anyone can ask for, willingness. We will make mistakes as we go forward, but I have made a commitment to return to LovE, always. And most of all, I am beyond grateful for my husband and the two sweet souls I have the joy of helping raise into soul-full men.
Today on Stepmothers Day , and everyday, I celebrate all stepmoms and send massive amounts of LovE and support your way. Wherever you are on your journey, you are supported and seen. I know it may seem like the impossible dream for some of you, for your whole team to be in a room together without daggers flying, but don’t lose hope. It is possible!
Boundaries are important. Let’s get real, you don’t have to do everything together as one big happy family, unless that’s what everyone involved wants. Sometimes, even the kids enjoy having their separate time with each family unit. Do what’s best for them first and foremost! We ask the kids what they desire and what they are comfortable with in certain situations and go from there. Open hearts, compassion, self awareness, a strong center only you can cultivate from within, all key elements to a calmer future. We all must calm the storm within ourselves first and then watch it be reflected in our outer world. I pray for calmer seas for all families. Family life, no matter what way you cut it is complicated and if you are so lucky to have one of those weird families that all gets along, good on ya! Lol TREASURE THAT
For now, the rest of us will be over here doing our best and loving as deep as our hearts will let us go in every moment. Happy Stepmom’s Day! I LovE you all.