Here we are, embarking on a new decade. The beginning of our next 10 years, if we are blessed to continue to be gifted that many more breaths, is less than 24 hours away. Today, as I reflect back on the past 10 years and all that unfolded… all that was unearthed, created, healed, released, I am stumbling upon a multitude of emotions, some painful, that have yet to be felt and moved through and others that are blissful, ushering in pure joy and great relief. I’m uncovering lots of grief that I am whaling out, shame and the stories that surround that shame that I am done with carrying and anger, anger that I haven’t allowed myself to feel from years of the belief that I didn’t deserve to feel it. All the lies that I have bought into or have told myself that are ready to be dismantled and released are flying into my peripheral, asking to each be acknowledged and given back to the ethers. It’s time! It’s time to move into the next decade with more freedom than ever before. I hear it beckoning me to let go of the old, and so I am making a conscious choice to do so. As much as I am leaning into these difficult emotions, I am also sitting with the gratitude, joy, LovE and the incredibly long exhale that is arising, and becoming just as familiar with what their goodness feels like in my body. I deeply desire more bliss in these next 10 years! Giving just as much attention to the bliss as to the pain is the way to begin.
Decades are interesting, as they can act as defining signposts for growth, and sometimes, lack there of. I can humbly and surely say that this decade has acted as a significant signpost of growth and awakening for me personally. To put it really bluntly and rattle off one decade defining sign post, 2009 found me amidst an affair and a divorce and 2019 finds me in a healthy marriage.That’s pretty f’ing decade defining if you ask me.
Honestly, if you came upon me in 2009 you would have encountered a young woman who was terrified of the world, completely unsafe in her body, perfecting every ounce of herself in fear of judgement and shame, disconnected from her truth and what she desired, drowning in a sea of sadness and rage, overworked, uninspired, insecure, exhausted and resisting every bit of the admission or even the acknowledgement of any of it. And you know what, I’ve grown to LovE that girl. I’ve sat many an hour and thanked her for her survival strategies, her diligent, overactive nervous system that kept us always on the look out to insure our safety and her warrior esque will to overcome. I have and still am working on integrating her into my body. She is learning to trust me to keep her safe. There is a woman in charge now, the little girl can rest.
If you happen to know me currently or stumble upon my life story or my work at the closing of 2019, you find a WOMAN who mostly believes the world is a supportive and friendly place (thank you Einstein), has and is creating a safer internal world, in LovE with herself and falling deeper by the day, leaning further into her truth and acting on her greatest desires, remembering what joy is, no longer afraid of expressing her deep well of emotion and rainbow of feelings, inspired from the inside and her connection to source, aligned with her purpose in this lifetime and much more fluid about what that purpose could possibly look like, expanded in her ability to hold herself in discomfort and not run, taking deeper breaths, connected to her heart, coming home to her feminine power, grounded, brave… I AM A BADASS…AND I am still unraveling and unfurling.
What I know now is that my wholeness is alive and well. I no longer turn away from my darkness. In fact, there are plenty of gifts there, some I have uncovered and some waiting for me to bravely venture down into a deeper layer of the underworld to retrieve them. I know and believe in my light more than ever and am trusting in my goodness, just as much and soon, hopefully more than the belief I have invested in my shadow and allowed to define my perception of self for the last decade. For once, I’m not trying to eradicate pieces of my story from the book of my life. However, I am taking off the definitions that no longer apply and laying down the projection of the world’s unresolved pain that I refuse to carry any longer. And I’m loving her, the one who started off this decade in fractured pieces. She’s a warrior.
I wouldn’t change the lessons of the last 10 years. They have brought me to a place of humbleness, a place of gratitude, even for the moments where I thought life would be better over, to a precious wisdom I wouldn’t trade for anything and to a much more open heart, one that I refuse to close again. I now know that a closed heart is cruel self punishment, one that is way more painful than even an open heart that gets obliterated at every twist and turn of life. So, in these next 10 years, I vow to remain open. Not just to remain open, but to open further, on purpose, this massive heart god has blessed me with… has blessed us all with.
I hope you take off the old definitions, wave goodbye to those who refuse to allow you to try on new, expanded versions of you and say hello to the new… new souls that desire to witness you growth, new LovEs, new creative adventures… anything that sets your soul aflame. I wish you all the fearlessness and grace it takes to become the blessing to this world you have been created to be. I LovE you!
Goodbye 2019. Goodbye to the last 10 years. Hello 2020. Nice to meet you.
I have loved being on the Journey with you. Growth is an amazing thing. Love you!
That was absolutely beautiful. That’s why she’s my favorite.
This very public journey you have chosen has inspired many. Anyone who inspires others will have critics. Your smile lights up the world, Leann.
I usually don’t read celebrity anything. Just enjoy their talent whether music, movies or tv but I’m glad I read yours. I agree that it’s time to be happier and open myself to new possibilities. I lost my dad last month and we were very close. I took him to see you and Brian White in Tulare at the fair when I was younger back in 1998 I believe. He absolutely loved you. I’d like to start going to concerts again and maybe next year you’ll do one at Eagle Mountain in Porterville. You were scheduled for one years ago then it got canceled. I think he’d be with me in spirit.
Honestly I don’t pay attention to scandal and your personal life is your business…affair and all. Your a regular person like everyone else…. I don’t judge you on mistakes….everyone makes them. I just enjoy your beautiful voice. No one can judge but God. I wish you and yours a wonderful new year and decade. Sorry if I’m all over the place but I put thoughts as they come.
We can’t change our past & we don’t walk backwards. But, what we can do is except it & make it our testimony for others. So they don’t make the same things we did. If we can help 1 person & that person helps another person. You know?? My testimony is probably different then yours but I’m damn proud I’m alive & came through all of it. Now unto the next chapter of my life & yours!!!
Happy New Years!!
Wishing you a very happy New Year!
Continue the personal and professional growth. Love yourself to know love and be able to accept love from others.
You are amazing! I love you so much!
Wow! Your words are very inspiring to me. Thank you for sharing yourself with the world. I look forward to everything you do and that voice! Whether you are speaking or singing or humming or sighing, moaning or groaning or screaming or crying I’m all ears. Grateful to God for your light in the world not to mention heart. Thank you for being my warrior! Happy New Year!
I wish you LovE, Joy and A peaceful soul always. Thank you for the inspiration and insight from your music and thoughts. Happy 2020!!!
Very up holding and so beautiful said. It a home run on my mind set we let our mind run to fast.
good morning LEANNE…:-).i was verrry pleased & HAPPY to be able to read this.it was verrrrry INSPIRING to me.soooo much of last year,..was bad in so many ways.BUT,..i vowed!!!! that 2020 would be much different.GOD(more…:-)…) ME,..and everything else aaand everyone else will fall in line after that.keep that chin up,..beautiful & dont let nothing & no one stop you from succeeding in your goals.thaaank youuu for all the wonderful music you bless us with.GOD BLESS you & all your loved ones & family…:-)
Thank you for opening your heart, thoughts, feelings and experiences to everyone in your Blog. From your blog, I know this past decade had its horrible tragic moments and created some wonderful memories to carry on the rest of your life – as I can relate in some ways. May you, we & ALL continue to blossom and grow in 2020. You are an inspiration! XO your far away friend – J
Such a beautiful way to say goodbye to 2019 and hello to 2020! I am embracing the new decade and a new me that I am more in touch with and give more love and grace to.
I hope you have an amazing 2020!!
I love you!! I tell people all the time…I love her more now than I did when we were teens. I LOVE the WOMAN you have become and the HAPPINESS that exudes in your live shows and writing. Happy 2020! Looking forward to growing with you as we do life. You are a light and inspiration. Thank you, LeAnn!
Comments are closed.