I Chose To Swim

I chose swimming over looking pretty…

That may seem like much of nothing to most of you, but it’s a big deal for me.

See, I knew we were going out to dinner for Father’s Day and I needed to get dressed, but I jumped in the pool anyway.

I chose little Lele. I let her desire and need for play take precedent over the need to meet some kind of perceived external expectation.

I let my little one drive the boat, the one who had to be “on” all the time when she was younger. The one who got up an hour and a half early to have her hair “done” before school. The one who had to stop playing or skip play all together because she had to get dressed to please everyone but herself.

I let her get her hair wet.

And in the peacefulness of the moment and the weightless and buoyancy of being held by the water, I realized I was mothering myself in a way that I had always longed for. I let my Lele play.

I knew that adult LeAnn could handle the aftermath of my “undoneness,” my “imperfection.” In fact, I know how much I long for that kind of freedom, welcome it.

I just saw my mother the other day and everything was perfectly quaffed. She wore a scarf over her head to go horseback riding, so she wouldn’t mess up her hair. That’s her, and all good and well, but that’s not me, and it was me for a long time, but it’s not what my soul longs for. I long for play, freedom, for things to be undone because I lived in the moment.

We talk a lot about tending to our inner child. It’s been a concept for me for years, but I’ve really been putting in the time to connect with her. Yesterday, I realized that I had turned that concept into embodiment.

The moment was small, but it was powerful. Oh, and my hair turned out just fine, LOL!

How are you tending to your inner little one today? How are you getting your hair wet?