Yesterday, I felt high off of joy and wholeness. And no, no drugs were ingested, LOL. I’ve been doing Somatic work (working with retraining and regulating the nervous system) with a therapist for several months now and yesterday, I had a massive breakthrough. I literally cried tears of joy from being able to actually FEEL whole, fully in my innocence, completely in my body. It was PURE BLISS! As Nicole, the practitioner I work with said, “that’s life force energy.”
For the first time, I could actually feel my, OUR true, pure essence.
It was not something that only existed as a concept in my head. I have felt a sense of this euphoria in meditation, but something about this was different. This experience was conscious, eyes completely open.
This feeling was a true sense of HOME.
Most of my life I have felt fractured, like my innocence, my joy was almost ejected from my body, that’s how it came to me in my session with Nicole, a sense of these things existing outside of me and not feeling safe enough to return home to my human body.
I have felt like I’ve been at war on the inside, like I was stuck amidst a vortex of darkness, desperately seeing my innocence, wholeness and joy, sensing it somewhere nearby, but out of reach.
Anyone else have these feelings too? I suspect YES!
Well, yesterday, my innocence, wholeness and joy won the wholly war, even if for a few hours.
Today, I found myself lost in the vortex again, but this time, I had a feeling that if I allowed myself to feel the darkness, yet invited the wholeness in, I may have a shot at winning the war, once more.
After several minutes of working with both energies, I found wholeness, joy and innocence again.
I know this is a dance, one that we are all consciously or unconsciously feeling in this moment. It’s literally what is being reflected to us in our external world. As above, so below. As within, so without. That’s not just a concept to me anymore. I FEEL IT!
I literally feel like I just cracked a freaking universal code or something. Maybe that’s exactly what it is.
What I do know is that we are ALL WORTHY OF WHOLENESS AND JOY!
I am crying writing those words because for so long, I, like many of you have believed that I am not worthy of joy, innocence and wholeness, but we are not only worthy of it, WE ARE IT!
And when you touch what you truly are there is no going back.
We then know the FEELING of what we truly are and even if and when we return to the vortex of darkness, we have a place, a feeling of remembrance to forever return to.
So, I ask and encourage you to notice when you feel wholeness and joy and where do you feel it in your body. THIS TAKES TIME, especially if you, like so many of us have felt completely disembodied and stuck in our heads for far too long.
TRUST THE JOY. TRUST YOUR INNOCENCE. TRUST YOUR WHOLENESS.
THIS IS “Eden.” THIS IS HEAVEN RETURNING TO EARTH. THIS IS US EMBODYING HEAVEN ON EARTH.
I LovE you, so very much!
Beautiful share. “Feels Like Home Again”- Randy Newman song. Love Linda Ronstadt version. What you describe in your somatic discovery- returning to Source of your Being. This is what Home feels like.
LeAnn, I am sooo happy for you and all the souls you are touching through your blog! I love reading the expressions of your growth and how grounded to your true essence you have become. Unlike muself, you are very good at projecting your emotions through words. Whether in text or audio – both speaking and SINGING with that gift of a voice that you have. 😊
Seeing you in concert and knowing You through all the years brings me “home” to that place of joy. We all love you back very much.
I’ve felt that euphoric feeling with my teacher Panache Desai at many Omega retreats. I’ve wept on my hands and knees from the remembrance of how divine and whole or wholly we all are. In 2002 I had written (through stream of consciousness) that Heaven and a Earth would become one when we said YES to both our human and angel selves or Physical and Spiritual Selves. I believe that is what is happening and I’m excited to read about your experience. I know exactly how you feel! May you always have access to your joy and innocence. Namaste 🙏🏼 Rose
LeAnn I love this and yes it is such a joy to have this breakthrough – to really feel your Source connection IN your body. I had a similar experience in a yoga class last year and as you said this is heaven returning to earth!! May we ALL connect with this sense of peace and wholeness.
I’m happy LeAnn, that you found this feeling deep within you, I find it too when I meditate and pray. There’s joy and wholeness inside of us if we let our heart speak to us in silence.
You are such a beautiful person, inside and out!
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