Yesterday, I felt high off of joy and wholeness. And no, no drugs were ingested, LOL. I’ve been doing Somatic work (working with retraining and regulating the nervous system) with a therapist for several months now and yesterday, I had a massive breakthrough. I literally cried tears of joy from being able to actually FEEL whole, fully in my innocence, completely in my body. It was PURE BLISS! As Nicole, the practitioner I work with said, “that’s life force energy.”
For the first time, I could actually feel my, OUR true, pure essence.
It was not something that only existed as a concept in my head. I have felt a sense of this euphoria in meditation, but something about this was different. This experience was conscious, eyes completely open.
This feeling was a true sense of HOME.
Most of my life I have felt fractured, like my innocence, my joy was almost ejected from my body, that’s how it came to me in my session with Nicole, a sense of these things existing outside of me and not feeling safe enough to return home to my human body.
I have felt like I’ve been at war on the inside, like I was stuck amidst a vortex of darkness, desperately seeing my innocence, wholeness and joy, sensing it somewhere nearby, but out of reach.
Anyone else have these feelings too? I suspect YES!
Well, yesterday, my innocence, wholeness and joy won the wholly war, even if for a few hours.
Today, I found myself lost in the vortex again, but this time, I had a feeling that if I allowed myself to feel the darkness, yet invited the wholeness in, I may have a shot at winning the war, once more.
After several minutes of working with both energies, I found wholeness, joy and innocence again.
I know this is a dance, one that we are all consciously or unconsciously feeling in this moment. It’s literally what is being reflected to us in our external world. As above, so below. As within, so without. That’s not just a concept to me anymore. I FEEL IT!
I literally feel like I just cracked a freaking universal code or something. Maybe that’s exactly what it is.
What I do know is that we are ALL WORTHY OF WHOLENESS AND JOY!
I am crying writing those words because for so long, I, like many of you have believed that I am not worthy of joy, innocence and wholeness, but we are not only worthy of it, WE ARE IT!
And when you touch what you truly are there is no going back.
We then know the FEELING of what we truly are and even if and when we return to the vortex of darkness, we have a place, a feeling of remembrance to forever return to.
So, I ask and encourage you to notice when you feel wholeness and joy and where do you feel it in your body. THIS TAKES TIME, especially if you, like so many of us have felt completely disembodied and stuck in our heads for far too long.
TRUST THE JOY. TRUST YOUR INNOCENCE. TRUST YOUR WHOLENESS.
THIS IS “Eden.” THIS IS HEAVEN RETURNING TO EARTH. THIS IS US EMBODYING HEAVEN ON EARTH.
I LovE you, so very much!