It’s ok to not be liked. It’s ok to not be Loved.
This is my mantra these days. In fact, it’s more than ok, it’s freaking fantastic because it means I’m no longer in the throws of people pleasing.
As someone whose whole livelihood has been based upon the outside world liking me or not, this concept is one that has been a process to digest and expand into, and one I have to remind myself of on the regular, especially when I am stretching past my comfort zone and birthing vulnerable shit into this world.
Side note, what is a “comfort zone” anyway?
I’ve been pondering this because I’m not comfortable in most places in my life, these days especially. I feel like I’m standing on the edge of that so called “comfort zone” about to fall off the ledge at all times. Even more accurately put… I feel like I’m free falling into a deep dark hole with no end in sight! And I’m feeling ALL THE THINGS! It’s terrifying, exhilarating, fulfilling, life affirming… I feel ALIVE!
When we are living our life from a place of vulnerability, nothing feels “safe” any longer, but things do get incredibly expansive. What I’m finding is…
The TRUE safety then lies in knowing that I am being my most vulnerable, authentic self and the truth of that becomes my safe haven.
The safety lies in no longer abandoning ourselves!
Maybe the only true “comfort zone” is getting comfortable navigating discomfort? Otherwise that thing we call a comfort zone is really death and stagnation. There’s no ALIVENESS there, just survival.
Personally, I’m over just surviving, so I’ve been putting myself “out there” in new ways, ways that are incredibly vulnerable and that push up against every limiting belief I’ve ever had about myself. I’m revealing parts of me I’ve kept hidden, parts that have felt shameful, ugly and unloveable. I’m speaking out in ways that I know bring “consequences,” but I also have learned, silence hurts me and others way worse than any “backlash.” This new exposure, all the ways I am using my voice to express my truth, it’s happening all at once and very swiftly, which makes my tender heart flood with questions like… Will I be liked? Will “they” accept the totality of me? Will “they” like my art? There’s forever a piece of me that wants to be invited to the party, you know? A piece of me that deeply desires to be LovEd and accepted. Who doesn’t?
However, there’s a deeper desire to come home to myself, to stay true to my heart, to stay true to what my spirit is being moved to do and share. And with my deepest desire running the show, it looks like things are going to be uncomfortable for a while, but they sure will be interesting.
So, how uncomfortable are you willing to get? How vulnerable are you willing to be? What is one thing in your life you can reveal in order to free yourself from its power? What is one thing that you can say YES to that you are afraid of doing because a new side of you will be exposed? Where are you abandoning yourself in order to be LovEd?
I am so right there along side of you in this incredibly vulnerable journey! I LovE you. And remember…. It’s ok to not be liked. It’s ok to not be LovEd.
Have a great weekend, Le!
hi, John, Le sure is a kind-hearted person, and a song that just even classically trained sometimes astounds me. Well, me, I can carry a tune with mistakes, so appreciating artists is not that difficult.
Do me a favor, pray for me, my family, and yes, even Le and family, especially Josh the stage manager and his family, and the ‘lads,’ My uncle Jerry used to use that word to describe adolescent kid gentlemen.
God’s Impartial Peace,
have a wonderful day.
I love your spirit.
Totalmente de acuerdo,la zona de confort es ,para mi, quedarse donde uno está a pesar de no estar bien! Por eso creo que hay que correrse y empezar a transitar el camino donde de verdad podemos ser nosotros mismos,con nuestros miedos pero sintiendo que es por ahí,y así poder vivir en paz sabiendo que estamos donde queremos estar. Si logramos eso todo lo demás se acomoda y llega!Te felicito por este nuevo camino que emprendiste y te deseo todo lo mejor! Mi admiración siempre! Un abrazo!
You are an amazing lady and entertainer. I wish you luck in everything you do. I am sure it will all be as perfect as you.
If everyone is honest with themselves, we are all the same in hiding “shames” about ourselves. Thank you for opening the door the rest of the way. To show us” common folk “ that this happens to celebs as well. Live well and free.
Love what you’re doing. Wayne
You are LovEd! Maybe not by everyone, but it wouldn’t be special if everyone did it. 😉
I hope you have a wonderful weekend
At 61 I now begin a journey of self. You might think this was something I should have addressed sooner right?
To attracted to all things shiny. A car, a girl, a house, a job, a bla bla bla. Life has been wonderful and yet it’s value is fleeting.
Let the outside stay outside for a while. Not to be a hermit. Not to miss a friendship, rather to be sure and stay self guided independent of all.
Ps. I am a big fan.🙃
Having Down syndrome I understand about people seeing my struggles on the outside but inside my heart is pure and loving. I am happy and love my life. People would be happier if they try their best to be kind to one another, accepting of differences we all have struggles. Some are outside and some on the inside.
I too, have always been more worried about how the “outside” perceived me, if I was liked or not, and if I was loved, and if I was, was it for the right reasons. I’m still learning that not everyone is going to like or love you, but I’m still not ok with that:
Courage is when we fear doing something, but we do it anyway, because we know it’s necessary for us. I think you are courageous.
David Bowie said, to create great art, get outside your comfort zone. Swim out to the place where your feet can’t reach the bottom. That’s where great work comes from.
Maybe life is just the same as art.
I have only ever known you through your music (which I have always loved), but started reading some of your posts in Facebook maybe a year ago, and have been engaged by who you are as a person, and the thought-provoking insights or reflections you share.
So that is why I read your blog.
And it resonates with me.
It sounds like you are heading in the right direction in life. And it sounds like you know it … Or are learning anyway, to be your own compass.
Keep being brave. Sending you positive energy.
LeAnn I am 53 years old and it took me much longer to realize all of what you said in this blog post. So kudos to you for realizing it sooner. And yes, I have been a big fan of yours for years too.
I absolutely LOVED this post and each one of the comments❣️
You are a beautiful soul and I wish you nothing but success and happiness in your life! Living a life that is being true to oneself surely cannot have regrets! Lk
Your beautiful lady you’re in my heart
I completely agree
Hi ré i feel like that all the time on the outside I seem a happy funny person who will do anything to keep other people happy just so they will like me /love me but at my own expense I’m tired of trying I just want to be true to myself now thankyou for your kind message it has helped me alot ❤️
Remember- It’s not your fault.
One of the hardest parts of healing/evolving is when you’re inbetween one version of yourself and the next. I don’t think it’s talked about enough. One minute you’re blissing out your body with your new, high vibe and the next your crying your heart out – releasing the old you.
When the student is ready for the journey, the fellow traveler will arrive. Lewis Howes interview on YouTube (Nov 14, 2018) is a most heart-warming story and message for me. “Be who you are” is not a welcome invitation to an actor. “Well, I dunno. Who would you LIKE me to be?” Ever hear of the leap of faith? At 74, I’m proof the leap options are ever-present. Just not sure how many leaps I have left in me. Ha! But you have given me new hope. May the Good Lord bless and keep you.
I am having a panic attack right now as I read these blogs because I am stuck and stagnant and have been for a few years now. I am going to keep reading because I have been asking myself lately “Do I want to keep living this way, or better put, Do I want to live?”
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