Still. I’m finally still. I’m hanging out in beautiful Vancouver for 5 days and yet my mind has been racing out of control, just like the way I’m sure your mind wanted to rush through the word “still” to get to the next sentence. 😊 Slowing down after being on the go for a while is usually very anxiety provoking for me. My nervous system remains on stun, even though I’m not moving at the same rapid pace. Of course, this has led to a battle within. That militant voice in my head starting in on how I’m not doing enough, how I’m procrastinating, there’s something wrong with me… you get the gist. Funny enough, this battle and I are beginning to become friends. My awareness around this cycle has become clear and I am able to sit with this piece of myself and LovE her back to equanimity.
Last night, in the heat of my anxiety I could have been doing a zillion things… reading scripts, finishing my SOE newsletter, meditating, taking a walk, dancing, doing research for a music project I’m working on, but my mind wouldn’t stop, so I froze. I couldn’t make one simple move towards anything. So, what did I do? I ended up laying and breathing for 30 min and just being with that lovely voice chatting insensately in my skull. I then proceeded to do what most of us do when we are bored or frozen, I went on Instagram and scrolled LOL
After a bit of mind numbing thumb tapping, I ended up on my page of photos, just staring at my phone as it lay there on the dining room table. That voice started in again, “you should be writing.” I was still in freeze mode, quite unsure where to begin, even if I could coax myself into writing. That’s when one photo is particular caught my eye. I found myself actually admiring my own photo, my own vibrancy. Sadly, this is not a typical occurrence for me, for any of us really. Suddenly, it hit me… “LeAnn, write something beautiful to yourself about what you see when you look at this photo. Let yourself be your own source of inspiration.” It seemed like a simple enough idea that I could roll with, so I did.
I ended up doing this experiment with several photos of myself, writing some powerful, kind, inspiring things to me. I cannot begin to tell you how wonderful I began to feel. I was stepping outside of the typical, judgemental chatter in my head and truly seeing ME, and I found a new way to use Instagram as a tool to further empower myself! Most of the time, we are looking at other’s photos, sometimes getting caught in the web of comparison, but what about admiring ourselves for a moment? What about being our on #WCW or #MCM? I’ve maintained a practice for a while now where at the end of my day, I look back on what I did that I felt good about, felt proud of, where I felt in my power, or vibrantly illuminated and I write them down. It helps reprogram my brain to see the good in my day and in myself. Its been a practice that has worked for me and now, I’m excited about adding on my new discovery once or twice a week for a little extra self celebration!
Don’t be shy you guys, try it!! You may feel all sorts of resistance and uncomfortable at first, but breathe and take yourself in with new eyes and an open heart. What you’ll find is that you might just see your vibrant light, your unique beauty and the magic that the rest of your tribe sees when they come in contact with your soul. I LovE you!
Thank you so much for sharing your inner process and thoughts. You cane to the Alaska state fair when I was (well I suppose we both were!) little girl. Been a fan and admirer of your talent and growth ever since. Thanks for being you and shining your light.
Just relax. Give yourself a break. Advice I try to take my self. My mind is always racing. Its hard I know.
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