i’m in one interview after the other these days, as i lead up to the release of my new album, “gods work.” i’m constantly in conversation about what inspired this record, which carries the weight of some heavy topics. i find myself discussing sexuality, religion, politics, the oppression of women, how to create a more loving, heart centered world… so many themes i was once told TO NEVER speak on, much less, create a whole album around, because my image and my “like ability” took precedent over my humanness.
it’s interesting, and quite disturbing what one comment, one belief can instantly shut off within us. for me, this belief created deep fear around speaking… not only about topics that could be polarizing, but also around speaking up for myself. people pleasing and the art of avoidance became deeply ingrained in me in order, for what felt like, survival. the old adage “shut up and sing” was woven into the fabric of my mind long before getting “chicked” was actually a thing.
so, now that i’ve laid the ground work of the past, let me bring you into the now and what got me excited to share my experience with you…
i had just finished 4 hrs of interviews, digging into all the complex topics i explore on “god’s work” when i was overcome by the realization that i was doing it! i was doing what i had feared for so long, speaking my heart in all the ways i was told never to share. expressing my truth, not in hopes of changing someone’s mind, but to liberate myself, my voice, my heart and maybe, just maybe, crack open the heart of someone else or help them feel less alone in this world. all of a sudden, outside of a random studio in burbank, california i burst into tears because i was so proud of myself for freeing the 11 year old me who was told never to never share her opinions and views of the world because someone might not like it and not buy her record.
i am so proud of the ways in which i’m expressing myself, even in the most challenging of situations because the expression comes through my heart, with an understanding and appreciation for multiple truths and feelings to exist. i have learned to stand in my truth without having to make anyone else wrong or without having to make myself wrong because my personal truth may be outnumbered in the room or situation that i’m in. i’ve learned to stand firm in love, in my own heart, in my curiosity, in my evolution. i’ve learned that one of my greatest gifts is my open mind, being able to see multiple views at once and hold a myriad of feelings about a topic.
i’m proud of my grace, my strength, my creativity, my courage and most of all, my heart.
getting to a place of this much love and self adoration has taken years, 40 to be exact. this kind of self love, acceptance and INTERNAL praise has only been a distant dream, until now. i don’t hang out there all the time, but to notice more and more moments of love and validation coming from within instead of looking for it externally is the biggest blessing and i feel like it all began to shift when i started to allow my whole heart, my whole voice to speak, to sing, to express.
i’m well aware that there are many more layers to this journey, but for now, i’m reveling in this new found love affair!
you want to know where joy lies, it’s in moments like this! moments of self love and validation of not only the “good” parts of the journey, but the WHOLE DAMN THING!
i dare you to love and celebrate yourself as much as i did in this moment.
so… where in your life can you acknowledge that you are doing the thing you were once most afraid to do? can you praise and love the shit out of yourself, even and especially when no one else is looking?
i love you… and me!